Today I realized that I've been blessed with a very unusual blessing. It's not one that most people would even count as an actual blessing but I've recognized it for what it is today. I've been blessed with a horrible memory! Now, why in the world would anyone say that's a blessing?? Well, I'll tell you a little later on. Here are some examples of my horrible memory.
I was terrible at tests in school because I could never remember what I studied. If I'm given a task to complete I have to write it down or I'll forget about it. Even though it happens every week, I seem to forget every time that my daughter has piano lessons. Often times my husband needs me to do something and it seems like the second I get off the phone with him, I get distracted and I forget. I just finish reading an amazing book and someone will ask me about it and I sit there and think, hmmm, I can't remember details to tell them! I never remember what I read in my scriptures from day to day! (Ok, maybe a little but not specifics!)
Well, here's where it comes as a blessing. I forget specifics about events. Like, when someone does something to upset me, I quickly forget about it. I always remember my feelings though about that event, just not what happened specifically. Here's an example. One time my husband and I were discussing an issue and I became upset because he wasn't respecting my feelings regarding it (ya, I don't remember what issue it was!). I told him that he does that all the time to me and he wanted an example. I couldn't give him one. I just remembered FEELING like that before with similar situations.
I always remember how I FELT during a situation where I was being hurt for whatever reason, just not why. I know this is a blessing because I'm pretty sure I'd be a grudge holder otherwise! I know a few people in my life who hold grudges for-EVER! They remember everything and can't seem to let it go. I'm glad I can't do that!
I had a situation recently where I had my feelings hurt by someone close to me. I was talking to my husband and I told him that if they called, not to answer the phone because I needed to sort out why I was mad at them. He said, "You don't know why you're mad?" I told him no, that I know they've done this to me before and they would want specifics on times they've done it in the past, but I couldn't remember any to tell them! I just remember FEELING like this several times before around them. My husband then went on to remind me of other specific times!
I know I could hold grudges for simply remembering how someone has made me feel but whats the point if I can't remember why I felt that way? I know that it can be a challenge to have such a bad memory but at the same time, I recognize it as a blessing to be a lot more forgiving towards others.
I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father knows me! He knows that I hate it when I've hurt someone whether intentionally or not. He knows that I have to forget about things and just let them go in order to be happy. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths and He helps me with them when I ask. Yes, I'm hurting right now for how my friends made me feel, but I know I'll be over it sooner then later because I'll forget about it. I've never felt like one should always confront someone who has wronged them if you can just get over it, not let it get you down, and move on! I'm thankful that the Lord has blessed me with being able to do just that!
I know my Heavenly Father lives! I KNOW He's near me, watching over me and wanting me to be happy! My motto lately is to just "Choose to be happy!" It is our choice to be happy. We can choose to fester over things or we can choose to get over them and move on. Well, MOVE ON! Is life really worth living if you're unhappy all the time?
